New Edition: XYX now comes with Z!

31 Aug 2010 (4+ mths)

Hi Yuzhe!

Mummy’s missing you from yesterday – when we last saw you wriggling in my tummy - already! You simply refused to show us your face, instead choosing to barrow like a bunny down Alice’s Wonderland-treehole while busy learning to paddle with your newfound thigh muscles. Silly boy, there’d soon be no room for you to hide, though it sure does look warm and snugly inside right now.

And we also finally get to call you Yuzhe formally! Dr Sim took a shot of you from the buttocks up and saw something that says ‘BOY!’. The shot looks cute – again, it looks like you try to run away from us as we chase after you for a diaper change in the near future.

We decided to call you Yuzhe – simply because mummy thought of it in a flash. Call it an epiphany; a moment of inspiration. Contrary to your daddy’s well-known linguistic skills and with his blessings too, I thought of inspiring you to explore and unravel the mysteries of the Universe and go forth to do what you should/can:参透宇宙的哲理 。It probably comes across to you as a big name, but one with a small meaning. I suppose that’s what parents do – christen their children, the little people they’ve created to proudly call their own, with a personal aspiration. You can/may do the same with your own children next time.

Mummy’s been jumping the gun and thinking of all sorts of things while you’re inside my cosy enclave. Would I be a good or lazy mummy? Should I appear strong or show my vulnerability? How do I discipline/teach you things and yet be your chum whom you can bitch about stuff with? How should I adjust my mindset that you’ll drift away from me to your friends, girlfriends and wife (now, now, just one will do) 10, 20 and 30 years from now? How do I make sure I don’t make the same mistakes as my parents? How do I know what’s the best for you? I guess I won’t have the answers now; I’ll let you teach me a thing or two about what to do and we can (re)learn how to live life as a family from there.

It also took me some time to realise that while parents will devote all their love to their children, the reverse does not apply. It seems that children can never love their parents as unconditionally; theirs (read: love) is for their would-be children to take pleasure in. It’s just the way nature works.

I used to blame and wonder why my mum "can’t do this" or "give me that" in ways I deem rightful. After all, she’s an all-knowing MOTHER with 3 kids, with me being the last – how could she not know or give me the best? It was only later that I realised that she’s not born a parent. She’s first born as my grandparents’ precious child, just like you and I, before learning how to be a strong nurturer. And there I was – always wondering what’s in it for me but never stopping to look at what was it that I could do for her, a human being with emotions and the need to be loved.

My parents loved me in ways they could and I will now love you in ways that I only know. Sometimes, I get carried away and start thinking about what is it that I would want you to remember me by. That I’m a mother who was also a great singer (but who never quite made it in her standards)? That I grumble and nag just as fervently as my own mother? That I just want you to be happy but yet have overbearing expectations of you? The permutations are as infinite as the stars in the sky.

You hold the key to the answer, which will be yours to decipher. Yuzhe, simply remember us the way you want to remember us, and that will suffice. As for mummy and daddy, we will remember and love you forever, just the way you are - complete with goo, poo and all.

It’s a promise stamped, signed and sealed circa 19 May 2010.