Thursday, September 2, 2010

第一封信:你的到来,我们的喜悦

宇哲,

这将会是你的名字吗?你妈好喜欢,也好自豪,为你取了这个名字。

她对你的期望,部落格上都写了,我也就不多说了。

我要当爸爸了!这个感觉就和你妈妈一样,是一个带着压力,带着喜悦,也带着彷徨的感觉。

爸爸的工作不定时,而且薪金也没有上班族来得高,要养儿看家没有问题,但是如果要一家舒舒服服,甚至享受家庭生活,的确需要作出一些调整。

我也愿意这么做。因为爸爸想花多一点时间,看着你慢慢长大,也想感受到你所有的第一次。第一次向我们眨眼,第一次的微笑,第一次爬地,第一次抬头。。。

如果你现在读到这封信时已经年过18岁,或许你还不能体会到爸爸的心情。

但是,如果你现在也即将为人父亲,我相信,你也会应该和爸爸一样,带着忐忑不安的心情。

爸爸扯远了。:)

你现在还不过4个多月大,我已经想象你步入30,成家立业了。:)

宇哲,我想让你知道的是,我们全家人都很高兴,而也非常兴奋你的加入。奶奶的兴奋,公公的喜悦,甚至你姑姑和舅舅,虽然可能没说些什么,但是我相信,他们都会因你的加入,增添许多欢笑。

没有人教我们怎么当一个称职的家长,就如没有人会教我们怎么当一个好孩子。

我们都在一路犯错,一路学习,一起成长。

我和妈妈都很期待你和我们一起成长。

希望我们的家庭,充满着爱和包容,我们当然会尽我们的能力去爱护你,去教育你,去扶持你。

你是爸爸和妈妈的爱情结晶,日后你也将创造属于你自己的世界。

这种延续的感觉真的很奇妙。

:)

好了,爸爸下回有感触,再写一封信给你。
对了,妈妈刚才MSN我说你饿了,她正在一个宴会上等待开饭呢!哈哈。。。

好好地吸取养分,快高长大哦!

爱你的爸爸

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

New Edition: XYX now comes with Z!

31 Aug 2010 (4+ mths)

Hi Yuzhe!

Mummy’s missing you from yesterday – when we last saw you wriggling in my tummy - already! You simply refused to show us your face, instead choosing to barrow like a bunny down Alice’s Wonderland-treehole while busy learning to paddle with your newfound thigh muscles. Silly boy, there’d soon be no room for you to hide, though it sure does look warm and snugly inside right now.

And we also finally get to call you Yuzhe formally! Dr Sim took a shot of you from the buttocks up and saw something that says ‘BOY!’. The shot looks cute – again, it looks like you try to run away from us as we chase after you for a diaper change in the near future.

We decided to call you Yuzhe – simply because mummy thought of it in a flash. Call it an epiphany; a moment of inspiration. Contrary to your daddy’s well-known linguistic skills and with his blessings too, I thought of inspiring you to explore and unravel the mysteries of the Universe and go forth to do what you should/can:参透宇宙的哲理 。It probably comes across to you as a big name, but one with a small meaning. I suppose that’s what parents do – christen their children, the little people they’ve created to proudly call their own, with a personal aspiration. You can/may do the same with your own children next time.

Mummy’s been jumping the gun and thinking of all sorts of things while you’re inside my cosy enclave. Would I be a good or lazy mummy? Should I appear strong or show my vulnerability? How do I discipline/teach you things and yet be your chum whom you can bitch about stuff with? How should I adjust my mindset that you’ll drift away from me to your friends, girlfriends and wife (now, now, just one will do) 10, 20 and 30 years from now? How do I make sure I don’t make the same mistakes as my parents? How do I know what’s the best for you? I guess I won’t have the answers now; I’ll let you teach me a thing or two about what to do and we can (re)learn how to live life as a family from there.

It also took me some time to realise that while parents will devote all their love to their children, the reverse does not apply. It seems that children can never love their parents as unconditionally; theirs (read: love) is for their would-be children to take pleasure in. It’s just the way nature works.

I used to blame and wonder why my mum "can’t do this" or "give me that" in ways I deem rightful. After all, she’s an all-knowing MOTHER with 3 kids, with me being the last – how could she not know or give me the best? It was only later that I realised that she’s not born a parent. She’s first born as my grandparents’ precious child, just like you and I, before learning how to be a strong nurturer. And there I was – always wondering what’s in it for me but never stopping to look at what was it that I could do for her, a human being with emotions and the need to be loved.

My parents loved me in ways they could and I will now love you in ways that I only know. Sometimes, I get carried away and start thinking about what is it that I would want you to remember me by. That I’m a mother who was also a great singer (but who never quite made it in her standards)? That I grumble and nag just as fervently as my own mother? That I just want you to be happy but yet have overbearing expectations of you? The permutations are as infinite as the stars in the sky.

You hold the key to the answer, which will be yours to decipher. Yuzhe, simply remember us the way you want to remember us, and that will suffice. As for mummy and daddy, we will remember and love you forever, just the way you are - complete with goo, poo and all.

It’s a promise stamped, signed and sealed circa 19 May 2010.